When any dispute, dislike, miscommunication or misunderstanding arises in a relation one can take a
Dumb Decision, Intelligent Decision or Wise Decision.
Dumb decision would be to remain stuck with the issue and keep resisting it either passively or actively. Make your togetherness with that person conditional and go on insisting and demanding the change. By this we give the POWER of our life to that person and situation and convey that he is the authority over us.
Intelligent decision would be to Accept that neither you are able to change the situation the way you want and nor you are able to accept the situation or other persons perception about the situation, and go for a mutual termination of that relation with grace and respect rather than hurt and accuses. By this we take the charge of our lives and allow us the POWER to shape our lives.
Wise decision ……. I leave it to you as wisdom comes from within and cannot be given by anyone else. Only the clue I can share is the wise decision allows you to EMPOWER neither that person only (as in first case) nor you (as in second case) but the RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.
Would love you to share it with me.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Quote of the Day
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. - Douglas Adams
What is he trying to say? extraordinary genius = naive incompetence?
Of course. Creative things comes out of naiveness and thats why children are more creative. However this has nothing to do with "Job getting done" and Efficiency. The choice is yours Creativity or Efficiency.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Story of Stuff (the explosion is about to happen)
This is not just story of USA. It is in fact true for all the "developed" nations. But the real beast will be released when India and China will start contributing in this. Not that they are not contributing already.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Quote of the day.
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. - Henry David Thoreau
Friday, May 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
You will never get all your tasks done anyway, so relax and enjoy the ride.- from "The Energy Bus" by Jon Gordon.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Total Responsibility explained
HO'OPONOPONO by Joe Vitale
"Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients--without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved. "When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story. "However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho 'oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more. I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it's out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does--but that's wrong. "The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit. "Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal. "'After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,' he told me. 'Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.' I was in awe.'Not only that,' he went on, 'but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed.' "This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: 'What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?' "'I was simply healing the part of me that created them,' he said. I didn't understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life- simply because it is in your life--is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation. "Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life. This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy or anything you experience and don't like--is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you.. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you. "I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr.. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho 'oponopono means loving yourself. "If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone, even a mentally ill criminal you do it by healing you. "I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients' files? "'I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again,' he explained. "That's it? "That's it. "Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world. "Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. "This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you,' I didn't say it to anyone in particular.. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance. "Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying 'I love you,' I somehow healed within me what was creating him. "I later attended a ho 'oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He's now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book's vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve. "'What about the books that are already sold and out there?' I asked. "'They aren't out there,' he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. 'They are still in you.' In short, there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. "Suffice It to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life,there's only one place to look: inside you. When you look, do it with love."
Contributed by,
Jasmine Bharathan
EFT practitioner
http://www.eftindia.com/
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
How can we remember interesting stories.
Dear friends, here is one interesting story. But what is more interesting is what followes after we know this story and apriciate it's beauty or lesson. Let me tell you the story first...
Old man and a horse
The story happened in the days of Lao Tzu in China and Lao Tzu loved it very much. Here it goes:-There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person. And how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor, but he never sold the horse. One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that someday the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune!" The old man said, "Don't go so far as to say that.
Simply say that the horse is not in the stable. This is the fact; everything else is a judgment. Whether it is a misfortune or a blessing I don't know, because this is just a fragment. Who knows what is going to follow it?" People laughed at the old man. They had always known that he was a little crazy. But after fifteen days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, he had escaped into the wild. And not only that, he brought a dozen wild horses with him. Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said, "Again you are going too far. Just say that the horse is back . . . Who knows whether it is a blessing or not? It is only a fragment. You read a single word in a sentence-how can you judge the whole book?"
This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong. Twelve beautiful horses had come. The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses. Just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered again and again they judged. They said, "Again you proved right! It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever." The old man said, "You are obsessed with judgment. Don't go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Nobody knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing. Life comes in fragments and more is never given to you."
It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew most of the young people would never come back. They came to the old man and they said, "You were right, old man-this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever." The old man said again, "You go on and on judging. Nobody knows! Only say this, that your sons have been forced to enter into the army and my son has not been forced. But only God, the total, knows whether it is a blessing or a misfortune." Judge ye not'-otherwise you will never become one with the total. With fragments you will be obsessed, with small things you will jump to conclusions. Once you judge you have stopped growing.
- Sanjay Sir (email)
This is an amazing story with a great lesson. We are, where we are, and there is no point in crying about a situation or doing pre mature calibrations.
Here is the interesting part. Now I’m sure this is not the first time we have come across this lesson. But still some were in our day to day life we forget it, and keep REACTING to the situations rather than RESPONDING to it. We lose out calm when things don’t happen to our expectations. Be it home, office or any other place. We forget “we are where we are” and can not let go of the though “what if…” and all the negative emotions that come along with it.
May time we justify the same in the name of “Human”. Here we use weakness of humans rather than strength. Most of the great people of the world are successful because hold this lesson close to their heart and they don’t try to repair what’s gone wrong but to create what right. One of the tool with which we can absorb this lesson permanently in our system, is SSY. There are many lessons… and I’m still learning.
Old man and a horse
The story happened in the days of Lao Tzu in China and Lao Tzu loved it very much. Here it goes:-There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person. And how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor, but he never sold the horse. One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that someday the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune!" The old man said, "Don't go so far as to say that.
Simply say that the horse is not in the stable. This is the fact; everything else is a judgment. Whether it is a misfortune or a blessing I don't know, because this is just a fragment. Who knows what is going to follow it?" People laughed at the old man. They had always known that he was a little crazy. But after fifteen days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, he had escaped into the wild. And not only that, he brought a dozen wild horses with him. Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said, "Again you are going too far. Just say that the horse is back . . . Who knows whether it is a blessing or not? It is only a fragment. You read a single word in a sentence-how can you judge the whole book?"
This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong. Twelve beautiful horses had come. The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses. Just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered again and again they judged. They said, "Again you proved right! It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever." The old man said, "You are obsessed with judgment. Don't go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Nobody knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing. Life comes in fragments and more is never given to you."
It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew most of the young people would never come back. They came to the old man and they said, "You were right, old man-this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever." The old man said again, "You go on and on judging. Nobody knows! Only say this, that your sons have been forced to enter into the army and my son has not been forced. But only God, the total, knows whether it is a blessing or a misfortune." Judge ye not'-otherwise you will never become one with the total. With fragments you will be obsessed, with small things you will jump to conclusions. Once you judge you have stopped growing.
- Sanjay Sir (email)
This is an amazing story with a great lesson. We are, where we are, and there is no point in crying about a situation or doing pre mature calibrations.
Here is the interesting part. Now I’m sure this is not the first time we have come across this lesson. But still some were in our day to day life we forget it, and keep REACTING to the situations rather than RESPONDING to it. We lose out calm when things don’t happen to our expectations. Be it home, office or any other place. We forget “we are where we are” and can not let go of the though “what if…” and all the negative emotions that come along with it.
May time we justify the same in the name of “Human”. Here we use weakness of humans rather than strength. Most of the great people of the world are successful because hold this lesson close to their heart and they don’t try to repair what’s gone wrong but to create what right. One of the tool with which we can absorb this lesson permanently in our system, is SSY. There are many lessons… and I’m still learning.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Don’t sweat the small stuff for Men
Simple Ways to Minimize Stress in a Competitive World
Richard Carlson
ISBN: 0-7868-8636-6
• Do not be very serious and heavy hearted towards life. Else, life will become a drag.
Focus on the most important things in life. E.g. Your family and live each day to the maximum. You will else dread opportunities instead of looking at them as challenges.
• Do not let your thoughts wade you away from your present peaceful state of mind.
Backing off your thinking once a negative thought enters your mind will allow you to remain calm and deal more effectively with whatever situation presents itself.
• Spend more time with your kids
Whether the kid’s are less than one month old or nineteen years old, they have incredible gifts for us.
The qualities of children compliment our own qualities. In other words, youth, playfulness, lightheartedness, curiosity and intuition is exactly what we need, as this brings about a balance in our lives.
This reminds us that the best things in life are not things. Instead, the magic of life is revealed by the interactions we have with others, particularly those we love.
Remember, at the end of your life you will never regret the time you spent with your kids, and I am sure you will wish you had spent more time.
• Take your wife’s advice
Check for a pattern and then act on the findings. Request her to give you constructive criticism and time it appropriately. Sometimes they have the best advice as they know us best.
• Admit if you do not know the answer, rather than pretend you are in control and make the situation worse
This will help you avoid maintaining a facade, which will lead to an immediate reduction in your stress level
• Have a special cause
Be it teaching unprivileged children to read and write, cleanliness in society. It is important to have one cause. This one thing is guaranteed to bring a lot of joy into your life.
It will help you feel connected to the world as though you are doing something worthwhile for others.
• Be able to laugh at yourself
Do not take everything so personally. Not only will it make you feel less tense and anxious, but it will give you better judgment as well.
If someone does not call you on your birthday, does not bring you a expensive gift, let it not bother you.
• Do not let your competitive nature get the best of you
You should know when to draw the line.
• Be patient and grant yourself a minimum of 15-30 minutes every day
• See stress as non sexy (Not to boasted about)
• Share your dreams with your loved one’s
A good idea is to share your dreams instead of frustrations. Because of whatever we share gets reinforced. Besides, people do not like to listen to complainers.
It also helps you get closer to others
· Treat people with respect
· Run an ethical business, pay people generously
· Forgive easily
· Take responsibility for your own actions & admit when you have made a mistake.
• Imagine the worst form of stress and compare it with your current level of stress
Not being able to provide food on the table at the end of the day for the family.
• Step back and introspect to understand whether the reason you are getting all worked up, is worth it in the first place
• Spend time with your close friend
• Be 100% in the present
Do not ruin the present by comparing it with the past or thinking about the challenges in the future. (Family on vacation)
Do not let your mind to wander. Concentrate fully on the person you are speaking to.
• Do at least one nice small thing for someone, once a week
Something special for your wife or girlfriend that she does not expect
• Take up yoga
Gives you a good awareness of your body and breadth, gives you positive energy and genuine inner peace.
• Take up a sport and learn from it
Tennis, Golf
• Embrace change with open hands, believe that is a brighter future waiting for you
Anticipate the future to turn out well
• Do not let the difficult people pull you of track
· Think out of the box to create an easier life
Hire a gardener, house cleaner, move to a smaller house or apartment, quit a committee, and practice saying no
· Think ahead to check as to what you are fighting for will really give you all the happiness
· Do not overload your mind
Because then even a slightest addition of worry will make you react rather than respond to the situation.
· Do not converse if the other person is not keen to converse (Check body language and signs)
When over the telephone ask him whether it is a good time to speak.
· Do not be surprised when you find conflict on the contrary expect some conflict to come
· Do not complain. Even roses come with thorns.
· Do not worry about unemployment or no parking spaces, remember you only need one
· Have the word Calm written around your place of work and home to remind you to stay calm
Centered, Attentive, Light hearted & Magical
· Do not over schedule your day.
Bite only what you can chew. Remember, many a times controlling your schedule is the solution that you need.
As going to a vacation will only lead to a temporary relief for a few days.
· Do not allow things to keep on bottling up
If a person continuously mispronounces your name, go and tell him that
· Do not make a commitment to the family, boss, and customer unless you are absolutely certain that you will be able to make it happen.
E.g. A Vacation.
· Do not attempt to do everything yourself
Ask yourself the following questions after having a good look on your list of activities that you do in a day
1) What things on the list I want to do myself?
2) What things on this list I can afford to delegate?
3) When I delegate something, what do I want to do with the time I save?
· Accept life as it is rather than all the time complaining and expecting it to be different
Be it the weather, certain circumstances as your non acceptance will cause you some amount of stress and definitely not bring out any change in the external circumstances or weather.
· Do not procrastinate, act now
Many a times you are aware that you are beginning to add weight and you really now need to exercise. You should then start with it rather than procrastinating it any further.
· Stop! Stop! Stop! Wait for 2 Hours before reacting to a situation
It is more than likely that if you follow this advice you will be able to respond to the situation, rather than react and cause stress for all by blowing your cool.
· Give yourself plenty of time, drive carefully and steadily
· Keep a photocopy of the important documents or keep a spare set of keys
· Identify your stress signals
Identify what is causing stress to you and take immediate corrective action. Sending of report.
· Practice preventive maintenance
Act before the problem becomes big, procrastinating the trip to a dentist, car mechanic, personal finance check, no tab on the credit card expenditure
· Use the word “Urgent” judiciously
Remember that not everything in the world is urgent.
· Be firm and do not compromise on certain things
Keep defined timings for lunch / quiet break and ensure you stick to it and do not let others change it.
· Do not over identify with your role
Because if that goes, everything else also goes
· When faced with a stressful situation, buy time to think
· See if you can change your opinion about something, so that it does not cause you stress anymore
· Share what has gone right today, rather than focusing on what went wrong
· Under react
Instead of overreacting to a situation or reacting, you chose to under react. This helps you from avoiding unnecessary stress and spreading stress around you.
· Do things when they are important only and do not wait for something to become both urgent and important
· Do not over commit
· Let go of the past
We are not upset about the past. Instead we are more upset because of the attention we are giving to those past events – here in the present.
· Remember that no one can cause you any discomfort without your consent
· Anticipate defensiveness
Having the wisdom to anticipate defensive reactions allows you to avoid a great deal of conflict in the first place by not pushing certain buttons in people and by not engaging in certain communication and behavior that are likely to set someone off.
The payoff to you is that each conflict you prevent is one less hassle and source of stress you have to deal with. This saves you time, energy, aggravation and stress.
· Learn from your mistake and take immediate action so that it does not cause you any stress in the future
e.g. Insure yourself adequately after a minor accident (look at the brighter side, that it was God’s way of sending you a gentle reminder)
· Request your friends and close colleagues to tell you your blind spots and then act on them
Our friends are able to see things in us that we may not be able to see in ourselves. E.g. You are taking this matter too personally, you need to move out of this business etc.
· Look at things from a third party look
Sometimes, it will help you look at things from an entirely different perspective and solve the problem and minimize the stress associated with it.
· Give compliments freely
It acts as a stress reducing tool. As long as your compliments are genuine they help with the following:
It reinforces in the person receiving the compliment that you are a thoughtful person and cares about them and acknowledges them.
It gives them a fine reputation to live up to. (Pygmalion effect). The interesting thing about giving compliments is that it makes both the receiver and the giver feel good.
· Remember perfect practice makes perfect (Vince Lombardi)
It is not the amount you spent but the amount of quality time you spend in practicing which will give you the results you desire.
· Celebrate whole heartedly in others successes, encourage others and be generous with money, sharing knowledge, ideas
This is one of the key ways of keeping stress at bay.
· Know when to fight back and when not to make fuss of it
A seat in the aircraft may not be worth fighting for. (Even if you are right)
· Be less judgmental and making peace with imperfection, searching for the grain of truth in the opinion of others
· Do not broadcast your unhappy thoughts, if there is not going to help you in any way.
· Give the person benefit of doubt
Put the burden of doubt while communicating on yourself and say. Maybe I am not clear, let me explain again
· Exercise
A healthy mind stays in a healthy body. Parents need to instill the same in their children from the very beginning.
Richard Carlson
ISBN: 0-7868-8636-6
• Do not be very serious and heavy hearted towards life. Else, life will become a drag.
Focus on the most important things in life. E.g. Your family and live each day to the maximum. You will else dread opportunities instead of looking at them as challenges.
• Do not let your thoughts wade you away from your present peaceful state of mind.
Backing off your thinking once a negative thought enters your mind will allow you to remain calm and deal more effectively with whatever situation presents itself.
• Spend more time with your kids
Whether the kid’s are less than one month old or nineteen years old, they have incredible gifts for us.
The qualities of children compliment our own qualities. In other words, youth, playfulness, lightheartedness, curiosity and intuition is exactly what we need, as this brings about a balance in our lives.
This reminds us that the best things in life are not things. Instead, the magic of life is revealed by the interactions we have with others, particularly those we love.
Remember, at the end of your life you will never regret the time you spent with your kids, and I am sure you will wish you had spent more time.
• Take your wife’s advice
Check for a pattern and then act on the findings. Request her to give you constructive criticism and time it appropriately. Sometimes they have the best advice as they know us best.
• Admit if you do not know the answer, rather than pretend you are in control and make the situation worse
This will help you avoid maintaining a facade, which will lead to an immediate reduction in your stress level
• Have a special cause
Be it teaching unprivileged children to read and write, cleanliness in society. It is important to have one cause. This one thing is guaranteed to bring a lot of joy into your life.
It will help you feel connected to the world as though you are doing something worthwhile for others.
• Be able to laugh at yourself
Do not take everything so personally. Not only will it make you feel less tense and anxious, but it will give you better judgment as well.
If someone does not call you on your birthday, does not bring you a expensive gift, let it not bother you.
• Do not let your competitive nature get the best of you
You should know when to draw the line.
• Be patient and grant yourself a minimum of 15-30 minutes every day
• See stress as non sexy (Not to boasted about)
• Share your dreams with your loved one’s
A good idea is to share your dreams instead of frustrations. Because of whatever we share gets reinforced. Besides, people do not like to listen to complainers.
It also helps you get closer to others
· Treat people with respect
· Run an ethical business, pay people generously
· Forgive easily
· Take responsibility for your own actions & admit when you have made a mistake.
• Imagine the worst form of stress and compare it with your current level of stress
Not being able to provide food on the table at the end of the day for the family.
• Step back and introspect to understand whether the reason you are getting all worked up, is worth it in the first place
• Spend time with your close friend
• Be 100% in the present
Do not ruin the present by comparing it with the past or thinking about the challenges in the future. (Family on vacation)
Do not let your mind to wander. Concentrate fully on the person you are speaking to.
• Do at least one nice small thing for someone, once a week
Something special for your wife or girlfriend that she does not expect
• Take up yoga
Gives you a good awareness of your body and breadth, gives you positive energy and genuine inner peace.
• Take up a sport and learn from it
Tennis, Golf
• Embrace change with open hands, believe that is a brighter future waiting for you
Anticipate the future to turn out well
• Do not let the difficult people pull you of track
· Think out of the box to create an easier life
Hire a gardener, house cleaner, move to a smaller house or apartment, quit a committee, and practice saying no
· Think ahead to check as to what you are fighting for will really give you all the happiness
· Do not overload your mind
Because then even a slightest addition of worry will make you react rather than respond to the situation.
· Do not converse if the other person is not keen to converse (Check body language and signs)
When over the telephone ask him whether it is a good time to speak.
· Do not be surprised when you find conflict on the contrary expect some conflict to come
· Do not complain. Even roses come with thorns.
· Do not worry about unemployment or no parking spaces, remember you only need one
· Have the word Calm written around your place of work and home to remind you to stay calm
Centered, Attentive, Light hearted & Magical
· Do not over schedule your day.
Bite only what you can chew. Remember, many a times controlling your schedule is the solution that you need.
As going to a vacation will only lead to a temporary relief for a few days.
· Do not allow things to keep on bottling up
If a person continuously mispronounces your name, go and tell him that
· Do not make a commitment to the family, boss, and customer unless you are absolutely certain that you will be able to make it happen.
E.g. A Vacation.
· Do not attempt to do everything yourself
Ask yourself the following questions after having a good look on your list of activities that you do in a day
1) What things on the list I want to do myself?
2) What things on this list I can afford to delegate?
3) When I delegate something, what do I want to do with the time I save?
· Accept life as it is rather than all the time complaining and expecting it to be different
Be it the weather, certain circumstances as your non acceptance will cause you some amount of stress and definitely not bring out any change in the external circumstances or weather.
· Do not procrastinate, act now
Many a times you are aware that you are beginning to add weight and you really now need to exercise. You should then start with it rather than procrastinating it any further.
· Stop! Stop! Stop! Wait for 2 Hours before reacting to a situation
It is more than likely that if you follow this advice you will be able to respond to the situation, rather than react and cause stress for all by blowing your cool.
· Give yourself plenty of time, drive carefully and steadily
· Keep a photocopy of the important documents or keep a spare set of keys
· Identify your stress signals
Identify what is causing stress to you and take immediate corrective action. Sending of report.
· Practice preventive maintenance
Act before the problem becomes big, procrastinating the trip to a dentist, car mechanic, personal finance check, no tab on the credit card expenditure
· Use the word “Urgent” judiciously
Remember that not everything in the world is urgent.
· Be firm and do not compromise on certain things
Keep defined timings for lunch / quiet break and ensure you stick to it and do not let others change it.
· Do not over identify with your role
Because if that goes, everything else also goes
· When faced with a stressful situation, buy time to think
· See if you can change your opinion about something, so that it does not cause you stress anymore
· Share what has gone right today, rather than focusing on what went wrong
· Under react
Instead of overreacting to a situation or reacting, you chose to under react. This helps you from avoiding unnecessary stress and spreading stress around you.
· Do things when they are important only and do not wait for something to become both urgent and important
· Do not over commit
· Let go of the past
We are not upset about the past. Instead we are more upset because of the attention we are giving to those past events – here in the present.
· Remember that no one can cause you any discomfort without your consent
· Anticipate defensiveness
Having the wisdom to anticipate defensive reactions allows you to avoid a great deal of conflict in the first place by not pushing certain buttons in people and by not engaging in certain communication and behavior that are likely to set someone off.
The payoff to you is that each conflict you prevent is one less hassle and source of stress you have to deal with. This saves you time, energy, aggravation and stress.
· Learn from your mistake and take immediate action so that it does not cause you any stress in the future
e.g. Insure yourself adequately after a minor accident (look at the brighter side, that it was God’s way of sending you a gentle reminder)
· Request your friends and close colleagues to tell you your blind spots and then act on them
Our friends are able to see things in us that we may not be able to see in ourselves. E.g. You are taking this matter too personally, you need to move out of this business etc.
· Look at things from a third party look
Sometimes, it will help you look at things from an entirely different perspective and solve the problem and minimize the stress associated with it.
· Give compliments freely
It acts as a stress reducing tool. As long as your compliments are genuine they help with the following:
It reinforces in the person receiving the compliment that you are a thoughtful person and cares about them and acknowledges them.
It gives them a fine reputation to live up to. (Pygmalion effect). The interesting thing about giving compliments is that it makes both the receiver and the giver feel good.
· Remember perfect practice makes perfect (Vince Lombardi)
It is not the amount you spent but the amount of quality time you spend in practicing which will give you the results you desire.
· Celebrate whole heartedly in others successes, encourage others and be generous with money, sharing knowledge, ideas
This is one of the key ways of keeping stress at bay.
· Know when to fight back and when not to make fuss of it
A seat in the aircraft may not be worth fighting for. (Even if you are right)
· Be less judgmental and making peace with imperfection, searching for the grain of truth in the opinion of others
· Do not broadcast your unhappy thoughts, if there is not going to help you in any way.
· Give the person benefit of doubt
Put the burden of doubt while communicating on yourself and say. Maybe I am not clear, let me explain again
· Exercise
A healthy mind stays in a healthy body. Parents need to instill the same in their children from the very beginning.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Behavioral Conflict Management
Hello friends,
I have problem related to my shop. I have two employ in my shop. One of them say Mr.abc is little more experienced and working with me since 2 year.
Other is working with me since 1year say Mr.xyz. Mr. abc is becomming more dominant on Mr. xyz. Both of them are really very useful to me and also makes much profit for me. Also I am giving them nice pay. Mr.xyz doesn't like that Mr.abc becomes senior and dominant on him. Mr. abc want Mr.xyz to leave the job so he is doing such acts which tortures Mr.xyz. Also both of them cannot adjust and work as a team. I do not want any one to leave the job, but it is probable that Mr.xyz will leave the job. What can I do to solve this matter.
Solution:
For Xyz, ask him if it's ok with him to have a talk with Abc with you there.
When it's ok, ask him about specific behaviors (observable only) that affect him in a negative way.
When talking to Abc, it's important that Abc realize the specific acts that he did that affected Xyz.
These can be words that he said, specific acts that he did, etc. Once Xyz has enumerated them, have that discussion.
Start the discussion by stating that there appears to be some conflict between the two of them. Chances are, Abc will deny it. But as you proceed, state that at least there is an offended party.
Proceed then by allowing Xyz to state the facts.
Be sure to apply brakes when Xyz starts saying things about his feelings.
It is important that he stick to the facts. One behavior at a time. After each behavior is described, ask Abc if he remembers doing that. If he says yes, then ask Xyz how he felt when that happened. Then ask Abc if he would feel the same way if the same thing was done to him. If he says yes, ask Abc if he now understands how Xyz felt. If he says yes, you can proceed to the next behavior, and so forth.
If Abc says no in any question, don't proceed. If he doesn't recall the behavior, ask Xyz to elaborate further with details to make sure Abc recalls. If Xyz can present evidence, so much the better. If Abc says he will not feel the same way if that was done to him, simply tell him that the act offended Xyz and as a fact, damage has been done. If Abc says that he doesn't understand how Xyz felt, simply ask back "but didn't you just say that you would also feel bad if that was done to you?"
As for Abc's need to be respected. Give him that. He deserves it. Show him how valuable he is by reminding him that as a veteran of the company, it's his responsibility to care for the company's assets which include other employees. You might also want to tap him for other responsibilities that will make him feel valued.
The main objective of this exercise is to isolate the behaviors that were offensive. Even if you were not able to change their perspectives, at least you can ensure that those offensive behaviors don't happen again.
Should the behaviors recur, have a personal chat with Abc and reiterate that you don't want to see those things done again because it's causing harm to the other employee.
Tell Abc that if this happens again, it is now an example of disrespect to you as owner.
Some things to remember:
1. Some of the behaviors that affect Xyz may be too petty but add to the damage. In this case, ask Xyz how it offends him and if he says that this adds to the overall damage, tell him to stick to specific behaviors because once you resolve this, those petty behaviors may still occur and it's important that Xyz overcome this as well.
2. If Abc states his own issues, do the same thing with him as you did to Xyz. Stick to behaviors that offended him.
3. Maintain impartiality. Don't make any of the party’s feel you're on their side. Establish the stance that you are after resolving the conflict since you want them to work together.
4. After making sure that they have understood each other's sides, leave them to give them time to patch things up between them but without you present.
I have problem related to my shop. I have two employ in my shop. One of them say Mr.abc is little more experienced and working with me since 2 year.
Other is working with me since 1year say Mr.xyz. Mr. abc is becomming more dominant on Mr. xyz. Both of them are really very useful to me and also makes much profit for me. Also I am giving them nice pay. Mr.xyz doesn't like that Mr.abc becomes senior and dominant on him. Mr. abc want Mr.xyz to leave the job so he is doing such acts which tortures Mr.xyz. Also both of them cannot adjust and work as a team. I do not want any one to leave the job, but it is probable that Mr.xyz will leave the job. What can I do to solve this matter.
Solution:
For Xyz, ask him if it's ok with him to have a talk with Abc with you there.
When it's ok, ask him about specific behaviors (observable only) that affect him in a negative way.
When talking to Abc, it's important that Abc realize the specific acts that he did that affected Xyz.
These can be words that he said, specific acts that he did, etc. Once Xyz has enumerated them, have that discussion.
Start the discussion by stating that there appears to be some conflict between the two of them. Chances are, Abc will deny it. But as you proceed, state that at least there is an offended party.
Proceed then by allowing Xyz to state the facts.
Be sure to apply brakes when Xyz starts saying things about his feelings.
It is important that he stick to the facts. One behavior at a time. After each behavior is described, ask Abc if he remembers doing that. If he says yes, then ask Xyz how he felt when that happened. Then ask Abc if he would feel the same way if the same thing was done to him. If he says yes, ask Abc if he now understands how Xyz felt. If he says yes, you can proceed to the next behavior, and so forth.
If Abc says no in any question, don't proceed. If he doesn't recall the behavior, ask Xyz to elaborate further with details to make sure Abc recalls. If Xyz can present evidence, so much the better. If Abc says he will not feel the same way if that was done to him, simply tell him that the act offended Xyz and as a fact, damage has been done. If Abc says that he doesn't understand how Xyz felt, simply ask back "but didn't you just say that you would also feel bad if that was done to you?"
As for Abc's need to be respected. Give him that. He deserves it. Show him how valuable he is by reminding him that as a veteran of the company, it's his responsibility to care for the company's assets which include other employees. You might also want to tap him for other responsibilities that will make him feel valued.
The main objective of this exercise is to isolate the behaviors that were offensive. Even if you were not able to change their perspectives, at least you can ensure that those offensive behaviors don't happen again.
Should the behaviors recur, have a personal chat with Abc and reiterate that you don't want to see those things done again because it's causing harm to the other employee.
Tell Abc that if this happens again, it is now an example of disrespect to you as owner.
Some things to remember:
1. Some of the behaviors that affect Xyz may be too petty but add to the damage. In this case, ask Xyz how it offends him and if he says that this adds to the overall damage, tell him to stick to specific behaviors because once you resolve this, those petty behaviors may still occur and it's important that Xyz overcome this as well.
2. If Abc states his own issues, do the same thing with him as you did to Xyz. Stick to behaviors that offended him.
3. Maintain impartiality. Don't make any of the party’s feel you're on their side. Establish the stance that you are after resolving the conflict since you want them to work together.
4. After making sure that they have understood each other's sides, leave them to give them time to patch things up between them but without you present.
- Forwarded by Sanjay Sir (eMail)
Effective Presentation
When Apple CEO Steve Jobs kicked off Macworld 2008, he once again raised the bar for presenters everywhere. While most deliver information, Jobs inspires the audience.
The 10 most motivating elements to incite listeners are
1. Set the tone.
."There is something in the air today," Jobs projected to the crowd to open the Macworld conference. By doing so, he set the tone for his presentation and hinted at the key product announcement- the ultrathin MacBook Air laptop. While every presentation needs an angle, it doesn't have to be unveiled right away. Last year, Jobs waited until the 20-minute mark. When the time was right, he noted, "Today Apple reinvents the phone." Once you identify your angle, make sure to weave it throughout your presentation.
2.Demonstrate enthusiasm.
It's impossible to deny Jobs' passion for computer design. Next time you're crafting or delivering a presentation, think about infusing it with your personality. Most speakers get into presentation mode and feel as though they have to strip the talk of any character. Remember, your audience wants to be vowed, not put to sleep. The audience will follow your lead. So set an enthusiastic example
The 10 most motivating elements to incite listeners are
1. Set the tone.
."There is something in the air today," Jobs projected to the crowd to open the Macworld conference. By doing so, he set the tone for his presentation and hinted at the key product announcement- the ultrathin MacBook Air laptop. While every presentation needs an angle, it doesn't have to be unveiled right away. Last year, Jobs waited until the 20-minute mark. When the time was right, he noted, "Today Apple reinvents the phone." Once you identify your angle, make sure to weave it throughout your presentation.
2.Demonstrate enthusiasm.
It's impossible to deny Jobs' passion for computer design. Next time you're crafting or delivering a presentation, think about infusing it with your personality. Most speakers get into presentation mode and feel as though they have to strip the talk of any character. Remember, your audience wants to be vowed, not put to sleep. The audience will follow your lead. So set an enthusiastic example
3. Provide an outline.
Jobs set expectations by noting, "There are four things I want to talk about today. So let's get started..." Verbally opening and closing each of the four sections helped to make clear transitions between talking points. For example, after revealing several new iPhone features, he said, "That [the iPhone] was the second thing I wanted to talk about today. Number three is about iTunes." Make lists and provide your audience with guideposts along the way.
4. Make numbers meaningful.
When Jobs announced that Apple had sold 4 million iPhones to date, he provided context for the figure. "That's 20,000 iPhones every day, on average," Jobs explained, "What does that mean to the overall market?" Numbers don't mean much unless they are placed in perspective. Connect the dots for your listeners.
5.Try for an unforgettable moment.
This is the moment in your presentation that everyone will be talking about. Every Steve Jobs presentation builds up to one big scene. In this year's Macworld keynote, it was the announcement of MacBook Air. To demonstrate just how thin it is, Jobs said it would fit in an envelope. Jobs drew cheers by opening a manila interoffice envelope and holding the laptop for everyone to see. What is the one memorable moment of your presentation? Identify it ahead of time and build up to it.
6. Create visual slides.
While most speakers fill their slides with data, text, and charts, great presenters do the opposite. There is very little text on a Steve Jobs slide. Most of the slides present one idea for the audience to walk away with. This is further supported by see-and-say syncing. For example, when outlining, "The first thing I want to talk to you about today," was accompanied by a slide with the numeral I. When he discussed a specific product like the iPhone, the audience saw a slide with an image of the product. Inspiring presenters are short on bullet points and big on graphics.
7. Give 'em a show.
A Job's presentation has ebbs and flows, themes and transitions. Including video clips, demonstrations, and guests creates the feeling that the presentation is more of a show than a lecture. Enhance your presentations by incorporating multimedia, product demonstrations, or giving others the chance to say a few words.
8. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Despite your best preparation, something might go wrong as it did during the Apple CEO's keynote. Upon attempting to show a few photographs from a live Web site, the screen went black. Jobs smiled and said, "Well, I guess Flickr isn't serving up the photos today." By moving forward and recapping the new features he just introduced, it was no big deal. Don't sweat minor mishaps. Have fun.
9. Sell the benefit.
While most presenters promote product features, Jobs sells benefits. When introducing iTunes movie rentals, Jobs said, "We've never offered a rental model in music because people want to own their music. You listen to your favorite song thousands of times in your life. But most of us watch movies once, maybe a few times. And renting is a great way to do it. It's less expensive, doesn't take up space on our hard drive..." Your listeners are always asking themselves, "What's in it for me?" Answer the question. Don't make them guess. Clearly state the benefit of every service, feature, or product.
10. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.
Steve Jobs cannot pull off an intricate presentation with video clips, demonstrations, and outside speakers without hours of rehearsal. Jobs rehearses the entire presentation aloud for many hours. You can see he rehearsed the Macworld presentation because his words were often perfectly synchronized with the images and text on the slides. A Steve Jobs presentation looks effortless because it is well-rehearsed.
Jobs set expectations by noting, "There are four things I want to talk about today. So let's get started..." Verbally opening and closing each of the four sections helped to make clear transitions between talking points. For example, after revealing several new iPhone features, he said, "That [the iPhone] was the second thing I wanted to talk about today. Number three is about iTunes." Make lists and provide your audience with guideposts along the way.
4. Make numbers meaningful.
When Jobs announced that Apple had sold 4 million iPhones to date, he provided context for the figure. "That's 20,000 iPhones every day, on average," Jobs explained, "What does that mean to the overall market?" Numbers don't mean much unless they are placed in perspective. Connect the dots for your listeners.
5.Try for an unforgettable moment.
This is the moment in your presentation that everyone will be talking about. Every Steve Jobs presentation builds up to one big scene. In this year's Macworld keynote, it was the announcement of MacBook Air. To demonstrate just how thin it is, Jobs said it would fit in an envelope. Jobs drew cheers by opening a manila interoffice envelope and holding the laptop for everyone to see. What is the one memorable moment of your presentation? Identify it ahead of time and build up to it.
6. Create visual slides.
While most speakers fill their slides with data, text, and charts, great presenters do the opposite. There is very little text on a Steve Jobs slide. Most of the slides present one idea for the audience to walk away with. This is further supported by see-and-say syncing. For example, when outlining, "The first thing I want to talk to you about today," was accompanied by a slide with the numeral I. When he discussed a specific product like the iPhone, the audience saw a slide with an image of the product. Inspiring presenters are short on bullet points and big on graphics.
7. Give 'em a show.
A Job's presentation has ebbs and flows, themes and transitions. Including video clips, demonstrations, and guests creates the feeling that the presentation is more of a show than a lecture. Enhance your presentations by incorporating multimedia, product demonstrations, or giving others the chance to say a few words.
8. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Despite your best preparation, something might go wrong as it did during the Apple CEO's keynote. Upon attempting to show a few photographs from a live Web site, the screen went black. Jobs smiled and said, "Well, I guess Flickr isn't serving up the photos today." By moving forward and recapping the new features he just introduced, it was no big deal. Don't sweat minor mishaps. Have fun.
9. Sell the benefit.
While most presenters promote product features, Jobs sells benefits. When introducing iTunes movie rentals, Jobs said, "We've never offered a rental model in music because people want to own their music. You listen to your favorite song thousands of times in your life. But most of us watch movies once, maybe a few times. And renting is a great way to do it. It's less expensive, doesn't take up space on our hard drive..." Your listeners are always asking themselves, "What's in it for me?" Answer the question. Don't make them guess. Clearly state the benefit of every service, feature, or product.
10. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.
Steve Jobs cannot pull off an intricate presentation with video clips, demonstrations, and outside speakers without hours of rehearsal. Jobs rehearses the entire presentation aloud for many hours. You can see he rehearsed the Macworld presentation because his words were often perfectly synchronized with the images and text on the slides. A Steve Jobs presentation looks effortless because it is well-rehearsed.
Use this 10-part framework to wow your audiences. Many observers claim Steve Jobs has charisma. True. But he works at it. Nothing in his presentations is taken for granted. He studies the art of telling a story to inspire his audience. You must do the same to electrify your listeners.
- [About the Author: Carmine Gallo is a communications coach for the world's most admired brands. His book, Fire Them Up!, contains insights from top business leaders who inspire through the language of motivation.]
Friday, April 4, 2008
Laws of Spiritual Networking
"Spiritual networking is about understanding Everyone you meet: their needs, weaknesses and difficulties – rather than benefiting from everyone Whom you know".
And when you see how many people there are who are desperate and overburdened, who want to pick themselves up but can’t, their hearts are overcome with love and compassion. You ask yourself, how can I help those who are suffering and unhappy?
And that’s when you become aware of all the treasures inside yourself that have accumulated over so many years and now, one begins to draw on these treasures in order to give them away, and in doing so one realizes how much richer you yourself have become. "
Spiritual networking is about seeing how rich you are and sharing it with others rather than wanting to become rich through others.
Spiritual networking is about exploring your own inner contacts and resources rather than exploiting others resources and contacts.
Look forward to see you in an interactive session on
“Laws of Spiritual Networking”
By myself at Bandra MET this Monday 7th April from 6 45 PM onwards.
- Sanjay Sir (email)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
SSY and me
Planning to blog my SSY experiance.
After long time finally attended the satsang yesterday. But now decided that I'll attend it every monday with Sonal. If possible with perents too. It's importent to focus on myself and satsang helps me do that. They keep discussing modern techniques to apply SSY teachings. Apart from my SSY progress I'm also going to share some of email that Sanjay sir will be distribute. I'm listening to Krish Prabhakr's CDs too. They are amazing and helps me turning inward. Will share thoughts from them too.
After long time finally attended the satsang yesterday. But now decided that I'll attend it every monday with Sonal. If possible with perents too. It's importent to focus on myself and satsang helps me do that. They keep discussing modern techniques to apply SSY teachings. Apart from my SSY progress I'm also going to share some of email that Sanjay sir will be distribute. I'm listening to Krish Prabhakr's CDs too. They are amazing and helps me turning inward. Will share thoughts from them too.
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